MY STORIES

MY MELTDOWN

I had a baby boat once. No partner, no children, no pets, pretty much no anything. And I denied most of my boat compartments, such as diet, seeing friends, exercise, basically my boat was made of work, and a project. I was having temporary fixes with holidays, or the occasional yogi meditation. My friend made fun of me, saying that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the next village, with that baby boat.

Looking back, I can now see why I had that meltdown. We have a bucket full of stress, and our escape routes are the 'feel good' moments. If we deny those feel good moments, that is when the bucket has no escape, and it will overflow and overwhelm you. Drugs, alcohol, smoking and vaping ARE DEPRESSORS. I had all the knowledge, yet my stress was building up. And then I had the trigger. I went onto the fight or flight mode. I couldn’t hold back the tears in the office, I had an argument with my manager, who reacted very aggressively.

It was too late to take control of my stress. I lost control. I started feeling anxiety, not being able to sleep at night. On top of that, I had to look for somewhere else to live, the flat I was trying to purchase was not going through fast enough. My friend gave up on me not wanting to see me, nor giving me an explanation as to why. My ex partner left me broken hearted a while ago. Mum was saying that she did not want to look after herself, as she spent half of her life starving, and now she wanted to spend half of her life overeating, until she died from whatever disease she ended up having. I refused to see friends, because I wanted to work in my project. I lost £4000 trying to buy a flat, I survived with just 4 trousers, 4 jumpers, one pair of shoes and one jacket for 9 months, as I had to put everything in storage for 9 months.. a perfect recipe for disaster.

At some point I had to go to the doctor’s, as I was sure I was nearly getting a heart attack. I felt like someone was grabbing my heart. They did all the checks, it was just stress. I knew what I had to do immediately. I bought emergency yoga pants. I went to do yoga, the thing that I loved the most, and I stopped doing for a year, due to a knee injury. I realised that I also didn’t go to yoga, even when I could, because I was either with my friend, or babysitting. I left aside the only thing that made me feel good. Helping must come from the heart, if you feel any resentment doing things, think why you are doing it. I wasn't resenting babysitting for my friend, I was just not valuing myself, thinking they were more important than me.

It was New Year’s, I had a nice break with my family, and I decided I was going to take control of my life.
I found a thriving mind challenge, they suggested to commit to 5 actions to take, mine were:

- Find yoga lessons.
- Meditate daily.
- Eat healthily.
- Give love, even if it’s just to pets.
- Think about 3 positive things before going to bed.

Stress is a silent killer. You think you are under control & then WHAM! Your body has a fight or flight reaction.

FIGHT: you become a monster and hurt someone - whether you are right or wrong, you will regret it either way.

FLIGHT: your body can't take it anymore, you are tearful, feel powerless, and about to give up everything/one.

It lies invisible under our skin, it makes our muscles tight. Some people get headaches, migraines, back pain, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, heart palpitations, etc

I learnt that exercise should be done, to release the stress we accumulate. Forget about weight, we must move our muscles regardless. NOBODY is more important than your health, stress WILL force you to slow down, if you don't make time for yourself.

My best stress release is Zumba classes. Loud music and dance, to go mental. Yoga gives you 1 hour of quietness for your body. Your mind will race, but eventually you'll see more clearly.

Is it worth stressing about the problems? Nothing can bother you as much as your own mind. People usually listens after they have the meltdown, when Universe puts them on their knees. I hope I inspire you to think twice, before you reach the meltdown point. Do something you are passionate about. We can be happier with less money, doing things that our soul is happy doing.

“God wanted to hide happiness from humans, and he decided to hide it inside us, as he knew we would never look there”.

I survived, because the fire inside me, was stronger than the one around me.

BEFORE

- I stopped going to yoga, to accommodate my friend's needs.

- I used to neglect friends, to sit and work on my projects.

- I escaped problems, flying abroad.

- I didn't do activities 'for fear of looking lonely'.

- I used to not have grey hair.

AFTER


NOBODY will stop me from doing the things that make me happy.

I do meditation daily, our brains are saturated.

Yoga forces me to slow down, and to meditate.

I do things from my heart, rather than having a hidden agenda.

I listen to our boss: OUR BODY.