Once upon a time, when Internet did not exist,a hard working female had 6 children. A female, 4 boys, and what I like to call an accident, the last female (aka me). After having 5 children, understandably mum could not be bothered to look after the last one, so she made me inherit my brother’s clothes and cut my hair short. Thus I grew never having to worry about how I looked, I was like a boy.
My sister always knew I had gay material in me, when I was 3 years old, I was ripping apart the dress she was trying to make me wear, and I’d scream and cry so she wouldn’t make my hair pretty. She opened the sink taps to make noise so they would not hear me, but dad stormed in the bathroom and said “If she doesn’t want, she doesn’t want!”.
I don’t recall any of this but I find it highly amusing how without any influence I was so gay lol.
I was 8 or so and I had to perform “The Princess” in an internal Theatre play at school. The teacher commented “You could have worn a dress or something nice”. What do you mean? I’m wearing my favourite outfit, jeans and a checked shirt, I thought to myself. Dad bought those for me!
After that, at 17, I asked my sister to put make up on me, she could not believe it, we are 15 years apart, she was dying to make look like a doll.
I remember going out for New Year’s eve when I was 18, all my friends dolled up, but I didn’t. I didn’t find it necessary. Instead, I was dressing warmly.
My brother bought me a very nice outfit from “Benetton” afterwards, actually quite like a 9to5 outfit but still nicer than the boy’s clothes I grew up with. A male friend said “You could have worn that for New Year’s”. I felt a bit embarrassed but there was not much I could do then, it was done and dusted.
Only in a temporary job at 20 years old, doing promotions I bothered playing up with make up. Then I’d only wear it in weddings or some Xmas due. Last time they took pictures of me and I saw what an awful make up I had, so I gave up putting it all together.
THE DANGERS OF HOSPITALS
Mum had colon cancer in 2016, and I slept in the hospital to help her out showering, etc. She told me off saying I should get dressed first, that I looked like I was the sick patient. I thought she had really bad temper so I just got on with it.
2 years later, again in hospital looking after a family member, mum’s words were going to prove her right once again. It was my first night sleeping in the chair, and not only I could not sleep, but when I did I got woken up 3 times to assist the sick patient to go to the toilet. It was 8.30am, and I got woken up abruptly, doctors were coming into the room! 10 of them!!! I felt well embarrassed, I was on my PJ’s, morning breath, the sleepiest of looks, socks & flip flops.. I wanted to die!!
The doctor only said to me “the patient is fine” and I couldn’t even say anything other than nod as I didn’t have a chance to brush my teeth!
The following days I made sure I was dressed up.
And there she was, a gorgeous doctor, small, doctor glasses, pink lipstick, lovely make up, platinum short blonde hair, with style. I felt so little. I only had shit looking but warm clothes. I then understood what mum meant.
I understood even more Rumi’s sentence. You don’t have to find love, but put down the barriers you put up all your life. When I saw that woman, I loved every bit of her look. I would love if a woman felt that by looking at me. We all lie to ourselves saying it’s all about personality, but when someone looks really nice, you cannot help but feel attracted to them. Of course there is a fine line between looking good and overdoing it for the sake of selfies or showing more than it’s needed.
PART 2 – LIFE CHANGING TRIP
For New Year’s eve I went to Portugal to see a friend who just bought a place there. I said I’d take my bikini just in case. It was in Albufeira, south of Portugal, I didn’t expect it to be so hot but it was! He picked me up in his Smart car, he got lost a few times on the way back which mean I was sitting awkwardly with the hand luggage suitcase in my legs. This meant that when I jumped out of the car an hour later I could not feel my feet! He just bought a bed with posts, and left it in the terrace. I’m a beach bum so I put my bikini on and sunbathed in his terrace bed. I mentioned the story of how I felt so shit looking like a tramp with that gorgeous doctor. He said we’d go into town and put make up on etc. I giggled. To be honest he made a change himself, when I met him he dressed very poorly and soon afterwards he was a trendy guy. I love his clothes, so I thought it would be interesting going with him.
He said I should get some boots, I said how I always struggle having tall boots as I have big calfs so none ever fit me.
The first stop was “Calzedonia” a shop where I usually buy bikinis. He said to the lady “I want a sexy bikini for her”. I was blushing! How embarrassing lol. I said I had a bikini already, shorts and top, he said that wasn’t a bikini! I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. He bought me one that is very flamenco like and according to him, very sexy. I just went along with it, but I bought myself a more classic look. Funny I always thought he was gay, he’s so feminine sometimes yet he dresses so nicely, but definitely not gay.
We then went to “Sephora”, a make up shop, and I paid 30 euros for the girl to put make up on me. I said to him to wait until the day after, New Year’s eve, but he didn’t want to wait. He was surprised seeing me in a bikini, he has never seen my arms or legs in 8 years he has known me, as I always wear jeans and long sleeves! We then went to Zara, got an outfit for just 20 euros! He wanted me to get a different jacket, we were looking forever, and then he found it, a leather looking one. He also found over knee high sock-like boots! This boy doesn’t miss a bloody thing! The shop assistant mentioned I should get some earrings, but I mentioned my problem with earrings allergy, so we left it for a bit.
He was tired and wanted to get back “because of his cat”. We went out and I was looking rather fine, I felt overconfident for once. Only I was wearing extremely high tall boots, and although thankfully Tango made me used to wearing heels, I didn’t fall or stumble once, but I did get the heel stuck in some drain as I was sitting in a bar. I was trying to untangle the heel from the drain smoothly, and I eventually did. Lol I nearly lost all my cool and heel.
I was amazed they had “San Francisco” cocktail, without alcohol, my favourite! It’s made of sweet juices, I had a couple of them.
My friend wanted me to get drunk afterwards, but he didn’t know what my brother knew, and I didn’t quite believe until then.”To avoid hangover, I drink peach juice”. Do you? How is that so? I think because it’s so thick that it protects your stomach, so although I barely ate, alcohol couldn’t affect me so much. If you knew me you’d noticed after a drink I’m pretty much gone, specially with empty stomach, and after 2 I’m very merry. Such a cheap date.. He could not get me drunk and I loved it. Besides, what is the point of getting drunk, you cannot even get to the point… 😛
He wasn’t happy enough, as he wanted me to have a different outfit for New Year’s, so off we went the next day for more clothes shopping. “Sephora” make up again, this time I went for the full on make up, 45 euros, while he was looking for dresses with no joy. We went to several shops, and went to one that I haven’t been in 17 years, “Stradivarius”. There we asked the girl, and she brought us some more outfits that we completely missed.
He wanted me to get a leather looking skirt, I would have never even considered it, but he took pictures of me and I thought “ok”, off we go!
We passed by a “Claire’s” shop, they sell earrings and girlie stuff, the only thing I bought there was hairbands. I explained to the girl my problem with earrings, and she said if I got the titanium earrings they’d definitely be fine as it’s very rare for someone to be allergic to that. She put them carefully on my ears. I couldn’t buy the after care lotion as I’d be flying back in a few days, but I said I’d get it in the UK.
He took a picture of me before and after, and he cut my head and said “Look! You look like a man with those jeans and sweatshirt!”. Did I??? But I feel very comfortable with those low waist jeans, so I can always bottom them up lol. And with my warm knitwear jumpers. He kept saying “We will burn them all”. Funny how I thought I looked decent but I just look plain boring.
We went to the beach to see the fireworks, it was lovely. Trying to get a taxi home, we didn’t know if we could, but I saw one of them long train-like bus and we jumped on it, it was dirt cheap, 3 euros to cross town on New Year’s Eve!
He said it would be noisy outside, as he lives near “The Strip”, and he used a white noise machine. It sounded like a tumble dryer, and I didn’t realise how effective it was at blocking noise outside! He switched it off and we could hear a massive party going but we were lazy to go anywhere (and cold).
I was amazed for once I woke up next day without pain on my ears! So happy I can finally wear earrings, and most importantly not having to bother to take them off! I’m surprised my bank didn’t block my transactions, I spent a fair amount of money in X outfits.
If you read my post about “Things I knew before attempting to buy a flat in UK“, you’d know that after being forced to spend 9 months with one pair of shoes, one jacket, 4 trousers and 8 jumpers, I couldn’t care less about shopping or trying to bother to dress up every day. It also annoys me that sometimes I bought clothes and they fall apart, get bubbles, lose colour, and so on. My friend said he now dresses better because the money definitely helps. He had a fine Hugo Boss scarf and I was tempted to steal it from him. He said I get bad quality because I don’t pay for it. I thought brands were just a label, I never associated them with quality…
I forgot what looking good feels like. Not as a vanity, but as a self confidence. Not feeling like a careless mess. Most of my life I dressed poorly. or with classic clothes, V neck jumper, office clothes (with men’s cut)..
When I dressed up for last Halloween, 2 women that never looked at me in the eye in Salsa lessons, finally did. I noticed that women must feel that I’m such a mess that they don’t look at me twice.
My sister always said it is a sin not to show my legs. The only people that has ever seen my legs are at Yoga and Zumba, the only places where I feel so hot that I might pass out. I have known the potential I have since I was 17 and I asked my sister to put make up on. But I rarely dress up in UK, it’s always too cold.
He took me to the beach on New Year’s day, he wanted to make a picnic, and although he is quite minimalistic having just the basic stuff, he sure had a mini fridge and a sun umbrella! He forgot everything would be closed, I said we could go to the Petrol station to get something. He handed me a couple of greasy bags, I was worried but it turned out to be the yummiest ham and cheese pastry, and chocolate au pain! It reminded me of Spanish bakeries. He knew I don’t drink coffee or tea so he got me my very childish chocolate milkshake, as he knows I grew up with that.
We went out every evening, and in one of them he was trying to dance Kizomba with me. I wanted to show off a bit of Tango & Bachata but he only knew the basic step of Kizomba and it was doing my head in. I don’t like it when a man plays safe and sticks to just one move. It’s like they just want to be close to you for the cuddle. I had this in Tango in the end in the UK, hence why I put on hold any Tango lessons for the time being. He said I should feel the music but I cannot stick to a repetitive dance.. unless you are a woman in which case I’m fine ha ha!
One of the days I was by myself, I sat in a cafe by the beach. The waiter was very nice, when I asked for sugar he pulled it out of his shirt pocket like a magician. I felt compelled to tip him, I rarely do so generously!
Next day, on my last day before I left, I did not want to go to the same place, but it was the only one open, and full of people. I looked for a table but no luck. As I was heading back, he shouted “Mulher!” (it means “Woman”). Why don’t you come over? He said. There isn’t a table. “Give me 5 minutes”. I was happy and embarrassed with people all around me. I sat inside, and quickly he found me a table outside. I spoke to the lady next to me, from Ireland, as we were sunbathing our faces in the sun, she said she thought I was his girlfriend the way he spoke and treated me. I knew they’d be staring ha ha.. He accommodated a large table and he had one too many chairs, they said “you can take it back”, he said, “No it’s for me, I’m sitting with you guys”! What a lovely waiter.
Food in Portugal is very nice, the only bit I didn’t like was the Chinese restaurant, and that’s a first as all Chinese restaurants are usually fine.
I had such a lovely time, I did hundreds of pictures of nature (all in Instagram) and I managed to sneak in a Spa resort, but only for a scrubbing full body massage just before I left.
I spent 5 days in Albufeira at my friend’s, in the end I was a bit too tired of dressing up in such cold weather. Besides I would have preferred if I had a wife by my side to keep me warm…I felt pure joy wearing jeans and knitwear again.
After the body scrubbing, the lady burnt my feet a bit too much with some steaming cottons, that & having to wear ridiculously high boots in the airport killed my feet a bit. Suddenly the 18 euros for a pair of Dr Scholl shoe gels didn’t seem as expensive. Unfortunately they did not have any pharmacy in the airport so I had to endure the pain, as boots would not fit on my hand luggage. I did manage to change to flat boots in the plane, luckily I sneaked them in a bag..
When I came back to work, I curled my eyelashes a bit. I said to Barbie I had pictures to show her, and she mentioned she asked herself “Does she have mascara on”? Lol this girl also doesn’t miss a thing! I then asked her about what make up she uses and she was talking to me like my sister does, only Barbie is 10 years younger than me, so rather embarrassing that she’s the one teaching me something.
I have vowed to put make up on, I will do it slowly, I want to get it right, practise. I want to look better. I want to steal female’s hearts too lol. Barbie said I’ll be 80 and looking finally fine ha ha.. cheeky bugger.
And so next time I have a single woman that I want to charm, I’ll have a leg to stand on..
I feel tempted to put these pictures on my dating profile, but I like to keep people guessing. Since I have so much to do, I’ll leave it as it is for now.
Do you know what my real friends said when they saw the pictures? “You are dressed like a whore”. Lol. They’re gay, so I forgive them. They are probably right. Barbie already warned me not to wear those over the knee boots in the office coz apparently that’s too slutty. What do I know? I’m just a boy inside.
The sad bit of this trip was for my friend. As he was going to pick me up to take me to the airport, police stopped him. They only fined him 30 euros and I still managed to get to the airport on time. You can tell the Council is in need of cash!
I told my mum and sister about this trip, and they are looking forward to my change. Despacito!
When Zumbathon was cancelled earlier this year, I was gutted I’d miss the Saturday’s Zumba session. However it was my opportunity to sit with Barbie on a quiet office day, to learn how to apply liquid eyeliner lol. It didn’t go very well but I had some tips. It has taken me ages and I’m still not doing it properly, but I will sometime.
I spent time in April with my sister. She wanted me to dress up for a meal, and nothing gets me out of the house faster than a meal! 🙂
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