July 22, 2016
July 2, 2017


For the impatient ones:

  1. You must make things that make you happy, even if you don’t have time. (it builds resilience)
  2. Avoid drugs (including alcohol, smoking and vaping).
  3. Do exercise, any you are capable of in moderation.
  4. Eat properly (not junk or processed ready meals)
  5. Meditate for at least 10 minutes, that will allow you to stop time and think.
  6. Don’t do things that you do to please other people. Being helpful must come from the heart, if you feel any resentment, think why you are doing it.

It takes a meltdown to really know what stress is about.

Everyone feels stress at some point in their lifes, it’s part of the hectic lifes we lead. We tend to keep it well under control. Until we don’t. And we explode and might regret saying or doing the things we did while we were possessed by our angry mind.

The best description I found is that our life is a boat, full of compartments. I was doing a stress workshop and they were asking us to draw our own boat. Actually I felt mine was a baby boat. No partner, no children, no pets, pretty much no anything. And I denied most of the compartments, such as diet, seeing friends, exercise, basically my boat was made of work and project. I was having temporary fixes with holidays or the occasional yogi meditation. My friend was taking the piss out of me saying that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the next village with that baby boat.

Looking back, I can now see why I had that meltdown. They also asked us to draw the type of boat we would like to have.

You see, we have this bucket of problems. And we have our escape routes in the shape of taps at the bottom of that bucket. The escape routes can be anything such as seeing friends, doing exercise, travelling, anything that makes you feel good. And the moment you feel stressed, and you deny those feel good moments, that is when the bucket has no escape and it will overflow and overwhelm you.

I had all the knowledge, and my stress was building up. And then I had the trigger. The trigger that made me went onto the so called fight or flight mode. I couldn’t hold back the tears in the office, I was fighting my manager who reacted very aggressively.

It was too late to take control of my stress. I lost control. I started feeling anxiety, not being able to sleep at night. On top of that I had to look for somewhere else to live, the flat I was trying to purchase was not going through fast enough, my friend gave up on me, my partner left me extremely broken hearted a while ago, mum was saying that she did not want to look after herself as she spent half of her life starving and now she wanted to spend half of her life overeating until she died from whatever disease she ended up having. I refused to see friends because I wanted to work in my project.. a perfect recipe for disaster.

At some point I had to go to the doctor’s as I was sure I was nearly getting a heart attack. I felt like someone was grabbing my heart. They did all the checks, it was just stress.

I knew what I had to do immediately. I headed to Primark, to buy emergency yoga pants. I went to do yoga, the thing that I loved the most and I stopped for a year doing due to a knee injury.

I realised that I also didn’t go to yoga even when I could, because I was either with my friend or babysitting. I left aside the only thing that made me feel good.

Somewhere on the internet I read that cheesy line, that says something along these lines: “God wanted to hide happiness from humans, and he decided to hide it inside us, as he knew we would never look there”.

It was New Year’s, I had a nice break with my family, and I decided I was going to take control of my life. At work they had that thriving mind challenge, they suggested to commit to 5 actions to take, my 5 actions were:

  1. Find yoga lessons
  2. Meditate daily
  3. Eat healthily
  4. Give love, even if it’s just to pets
  5. Think about 3 positive things before going to bed

I started doing yoga lessons regularly, I made it my priority number 1. No one would stop me from doing them unless a very justified reason.

I survived because the fire inside me was stronger than the one around me.

I also started dance lessons. This is a whole episode, the best one in my opinion. Check this Find happiness section