I didn't impose social obligations to myself, like other women do. E.g. make up, fake tan, hair extensions etc. I still think it's weird to put fake things on, that you don't have, but I understand women might need that extra boost, to feel confident/cuter. Like everything, there should always be a balance.

Being the last of 6 siblings, 4 of them male, mum couldn't afford to buy much, so I inherited their clothes. I always had short hair too. I was chosen at 9 y.o. to be the princess in a theatre play at school. The teacher said

'You could have worn something nice, like a dress'.

What do you mean? I am wearing nice clothes! A red checked shirt, and jeans, which dad bought for me. I was so gay 🤷🏻‍♀️ I never felt the need to dress up, or impress anybody.

In 2017, a doctor made me feel small. She had make up, nice haircut, just cute. I suddenly felt the shame of looking like a careless mess. I was nowhere to her level. I'll never see her again, but only that small interaction made me want to change. Life will put you through the same test over and over, until you pass it. I realised if I wanted a woman to take me seriously, I should take myself seriously, and be the woman I know I can be, yet I let asleep for 20 years..I thought I'd doll up WHEN I have a wife. Wrong! I loved how cute she looked, and I want people to have this inspiration from me too. It's not a vanity thing, it's about making a positive impact with presence, attitude and actions.

Spending time with my sister, I asked her about make up and shopping. She helped me get a few decent things through the years, but I hardly have a chance to wear in this cold weather 🌬 When I told my friend, he took me shopping with him. I knew he had good taste for his clothes, but it surprised me he chose clothes I would have never considered before (leather skirt??) I appreciated his honesty, these words always stick with me when I consider any shopping.

'If we cut the head in your picture, we cannot tell if you are a woman or a man!"

'Burn the knitwear jumper and jeans'!

Because of him, I finally tackled my earring allergy problem. 'Claire's' has a magic lotion, and also titanium earrings, so I no longer have allergy.
I was forced to spend 9 months with one pair of shoes, 1 jacket, 4 trousers and 8 jumpers. I couldn’t care less about shopping, or trying to bother to dress up every day. I also dislike the fact that clothes fall apart, get bubbles, loose colour, and so on. He said he now dresses better, because the money definitely helps, and that I get bad quality, because I don’t pay for it. I thought brands were just a label, I never associated them with quality..

I forgot what looking good feels like. Not as a vanity, but as a self confidence. Not feeling like a careless mess. Most of my life I dressed poorly, or with classic clothes, V neck jumper, office clothes (with men’s cut)..When I dressed up for last Halloween, 2 women that never looked at me in the eye in Salsa lessons, finally did. I noticed that women must feel that I look like a mess, that they don’t look at me twice. I spent 5 days at my friend’s, in the end I was a bit too tired of dressing up in such cold weather. I felt pure joy wearing jeans and knitwear again 😝.

When I came back to work, I curled my eyelashes a bit. I said to Barbie I had pictures to show her, and she mentioned she asked herself “Does she have mascara on”? This girl also doesn’t miss a thing! I then asked her about what make up she uses, and she was talking to me like my sister does, only Barbie is 10 years younger than me, so I find it rather embarrassing that she is the one teaching me something. I sat with Barbie on a Saturday at work, to learn how to apply liquid eyeliner. It didn’t go very well, but I had some tips.

I've been practising liquid eyeliner, it is hard! I feel like a teenager 😳😝 I'll get better at it. I have vowed to put make up on, I will do it slowly. I want to get it right, practise. I want to look better. Barbie said I’ll be 80 years old, and looking finally fine ha ha.. cheeky bee. I told my mum and sister about this trip, and they are looking forward to my change. Despacito! Next time I have a chance with a woman, she will have good enough reasons to be with me. I will make my future wife proud of me 😘 I started looking at women with curiosity now, do they wear eyeliner? I never felt the need to use it, but everyone (and myself) notices the difference immediately. Also how they dress, I have been looking with eyes wide open 👀 I never paid attention before 🙂

When you use the 'other side' (feminine in my case), you start attracting a different kind of partner onto your life. Beware 2018 💄👄💁🏻‍♀️


- I would wear jeans and trainers everywhere.

- I never straightened my hair.

- I put eyeliner about 10 times in my life.


I make an effort to dress up.

I straighten my hair (cheers GHD).

I try to wear eyeliner.