MY STORIES

HEARTBREAK

Someone shook me to the bone, with 7 simple words. Rage and adrenaline filled me up. I saw intention to hurt me.

They played the fool and innocent card. Anxiety took over me. The flight reaction. I felt nauseous, with headache. I had to leave work for stress, I couldn't cope. It gave me time to reflect.

Life will put you through the same test over and over, until you pass it.

2nd person hurting me.
Why?
Because I hurt them.
Why?
Because they hurt me first.

Action-reaction.

My friends didn't give it much importance. I had to speak to a counsellor, as I began to doubt myself: was I right to be mad? Counsellor said: 'oh why did they say that, to make you jealous'? THANKS! She said yes, I was right, I knew my feelings - although later I wondered whether they get paid to agree with you, so you won't lose your temper..

They were older than me, far more experienced, they knew where to press. I was disappointed, as they called themselves spiritual, and they claimed they had no ego.


I was disappointed with myself, I thought I was strong. For a year I did Yoga, Tango then I started Zumba, and the mobile app project. These are things that build resilience. 7 words, it's all it took to unsettle me.

'You can be the greatest captain of the boat, there is NOTHING you can do about the tide.

Like an earthquake set to destroy you. You can have the best building, there's a stronger force than you. Only then I understood. Perhaps this is HOW I made my ex feel.

'You'll never understand what you did to them, this is why I am here - Karma'.

I felt awful, thinking I hurt my ex like this, without even knowing it. I was driven by ego. I wanted to show them they could not walk all over me.

A week after, I felt strong feelings to react. I knew I shouldn't. I knew the email password, I could get onto their bills, egobook, instagram..I could do anything.. Then I understood, it was a test I had to pass. I had to let go. I had 2 awful years. Can you imagine what Universe is going to do to me, if I hurt them too?

For months, I read Trump & North Korea threatening each other, unnecessarily dangerous that could provoke a war. Was I any different? I was contemplating war myself! I thought I was coaching them all this time. I ended up being coached.

It was interesting, watching anxiety taking over my body so strongly. I never felt it so much. It was my ego being hurt. I ended up throwing up from the adrenaline.

I learnt that, just because you have friends or family, they don't necessarily understand you, let alone support you. I mentioned to a couple, if this happened to them, they'd be furious too. They agreed, but they still didn't see why I was so hurt.

My favourite Gisele Bundchen's sentence: 'You have to connect to that place within yourself that knows your essence, knows that you come from love. That keeps everything joyful'.

It's all a battle of egos. The higher you raise it, the more you will destroy the relationship. SOLUTION? LET GO. Learn from it. Choke your ego. Dismiss revenge.

BEFORE

- I used to want to have the last word.

- I would show my claws.

- I walked away from everyone.

- I used to see intention on people's behaviours.

- I used to lose sleep over it.

AFTER


Anxiety happens when we don’t know what is going to happen, or when we feel threatened.

THE REAL CAUSE: Our tolerance level about uncertainty is very low. Our body is taking the FLIGHT response, on a stress situation.

Most of the times 'What if' thoughts overwhelm us.

The most important things you will say in a day are, the ones you tell to yourself.

I take responsibility for my actions, as I know when someone hurts you, they are either hurting, or I provoked them somehow.